Overwhelming Lust

I stand at this ledge and look down at the water
and feel my blood boil and get hotter and hotter.
I think of my past and all my regrets
and all the smoke I've inhaled from cigarettes.
All the drinks that made me drunk with desire
just like a flame caused by a roaring fire.
My hands start trembling as I gasp for air
but I start to choke because it isn't there.
My feet start slipping and I think of my wife
and what she would think If I ended my life.
I close my eyes and I think of free will
and how my life is falling downhill.
I clench my fists and yell out loud
and think of my kids, wondering if they'd be proud.
Proud that there father ended life in depression
all because he had too much anger and aggression.
I smell the salty air and it brings me to tears
and the chilled air brings frost to my ears.
The tears run down and fall down below
and I think to myself that I have nowhere to go.
I smile at the fact that my wife will move on
but by now the suns setting and it's turning dawn.
The sweat from my pores glisten in the sun
but this is one choice that can't be undone.
I look up toward the clouds as a bird passes by
and reach out to the sun and jump high in the sky.
I feel the sensation of overwhelming lust
and there in the ocean I turn to dust.